February 14, 2008

The Leap

I took my daughter with me to the DHS office yesterday afternoon. I was expecting to bring the children (ages 3 and 4) home with me after a visit with their mother, but we didn’t. It turned out to be a “get re-acquainted time” with them, which was good. We got to observe and interact with them, and be supportive to a mother who has to see her children taken away to a stranger’s home.

Because of our relationship with her, I felt that I could come close and take her in my arms and just hold onto her. She pressed her face into my shoulder and wept for a few minutes. She has such a hard road ahead of her! I hoped she could grasp the words I offered, that God was big enough to take care of her children and she could trust Him. God will make the seeds (my efforts) grow and bear fruit.

Have you seen the illustration on the cover of John Eldredge’s book, Wild at Heart? It’s a silhouette of a man taking a leap off of one boulder to another. I feel that I am aloft like that; I gave notice at my two part-time jobs yesterday and left the path that I thought had already led me into my chosen career. Now because of souls in need, I’ve let it go. Like the illustration, my foot has left what was a solid rock, and I’m stretching myself through the air towards a new rock. I’ve been telling people, “We’ll see how I land!”

One year ago we retired from fostering. My husband's heart just wasn’t in it, and my own had changed. I know this literally doesn’t happen, but I felt that “the anointing had run out”. That season of my life was done. We didn’t have the strength required to continue parenting young needy children any longer. We were ready for change, for me to work and bring in income, and to be active grandparents.

Maybe that was just a year-long vacation (so to speak). I honestly don’t know.

This morning we are in process for re-certification as foster parents. The children’s current foster placement is adequate for now. They're working on a another relative placement, and we’re the “back-up plan”. He doesn’t have an established relationship with the younger child, and doesn’t handle his special needs well, so we will likely be given custody of the boy this week. Even this plan is subject to change at any moment…

Instead of this time of my life being called “The Change”, it should be called “The Changes!”

…is for support as a foster mom. Who will watch difficult children for me when I need some time away? It’s basically impossible for me to leave children I’m responsible for with the peace of mind that they are truly cherished and not a burden on their caregivers. This is where I need prayer. (Thank you!)

There’s time to get more things ready here. Today I am unemployed. I need to plan how I’ll “child-proof” my home again, since they are going to be a handful at first. I have a proofreading job to work on. I will make an appointment for my husband to see the doctor, and make meal plans. (Who says I’m unemployed?) I need to locate a couple of beds, and arrange to get them set-up. Thankfully, there are quiet moments in my day to reflect and pray, till I get that phone call that sets a new world in motion for me!

Will my feet land solidly on that rock?


1 comment:

Helen C said...

It's good you can be there for family. Wish more families could. I'm here and thinking of you :) You did great by my daughters.

Helen C