Hearing Heart Blog

Dear friends, I’ve been wanting to write to you for some time, so now I’m finally doing it! My main reason is just to re-connect, and explain to you why we needed to stop sponsoring Mayon (orphan) in India. I’m sure you probably struggle sometimes with the “wonderings” about old friendships, so I hope to clarify where we stand. We’re basically still just as madly in love with you as we always were! I would love to hear more reports about your work in India, and about what your family is doing. When I hear that you’re planning another trip, I always feel that “tug” – and wish I was joining you! If you would have it in your heart to publish a newsletter, well, that would just be awesome! (put us on your mailing list?) I still wish we could have seen Pastor Tony the evening that he was with you – thank you so much for the invitation! J and C are expecting their second child in the spring, making this new little boy our fourth grandchild. They continue to be a joyful, awesome couple,

He can't come right out and tell us exactly where he's going, but we know. My son has left for war today. This is his third deployment. He kissed his wife one last time, lingering over the deep blue of her eyes. He played with his son's Christmas presents. He tried to reassure and explain to a four-year old why Daddy has to go. With his last deployment his little boy would grieve that his daddy didn't love him anymore, and that's why he didn't come home. Then his beloved would grieve that she couldn't help him understand... I know he tried not to choke up. I wasn't there, so I don't know if he was successful. My son is a soldier. He called us so early this morning that we struggled to crawl out of bed to get to the phone. For my own reassurance, I asked him again, "Are you sure this is what God wants you to do?" He's still sure. What does a soldier do when he's sitting in the plane, alone with his thoughts? Can he hide the tear in h

I'm sorry I've taken so long a break from blogging. I have actually been re-assessing my commitment. Because I want to maintain a level of privacy, I don't reveal everything that happens in my life. And then, what really is the purpose of my blog, anyway? Shall I just stumble along, and see what develops? Am I wasting my time? A local lady, Dorcas Smucker (Life in the Shoe), tells about family trips, health issues, her children, and discloses far more than I would feel comfortable doing. Maybe I'm more suspicious. Maybe she's more SECURE! I don't know. All I know is that I want to be real, and I want to share the love of God that I discover daily. I want to encourage others. I'm the "older woman" now, and the Scriptures tell me that I have something to teach younger women. ON THE OTHER HAND - I don't want to expose myself unnecessarily. All that I would say may not be beneficial. Show me your ways, O Lord! OH! We just learned that my fourth gra

It was announced in our church service this morning that the Denver, Colorado YWAM base has suffered the loss of two of its youth because of an attack from a gunman. Two others were injured. The young people were cleaning up after a banquet and the gunman came in, asking for a place to stay the night. When he was told he couldn’t stay there, he pulled out his gun and shot, and then left on foot. My son was based there a few years ago. How hard it would be to receive news like this about my own son! Even though I would constantly comfort myself with the memory of giving him back to the Lord just moments after he was born… I know I’d be racking my brain to understand this. I’m not going to pretend that I could, in any way, predict how I would respond! So, let’s just pray. The “YWAMmers”, as we’ve called them in the past, are preparing to forgive the shooter. Let’s pray that their families and friends would be comforted by the Holy Spirit, and that the gunman would be caught. I also pray

It's kinda late, but one thing comes to mind that still makes us smile: a call we received when your daughter had only been back home with you for a few weeks. Apparently she thought she should be making summer vacation plans, because she asked, "I was wondering if I could come and stay the night for a few months ." (That's a long night!) It was hard to explain to her that we'd love to have her, but I was working outside the home now and I couldn't leave her here alone! I think she presumed that time stood still when she left us; and that we were just sitting here on the couch, bored and sad, because there were no children to play with! You've been blessed with some awesome kids, Helen; but, you already know that! ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

He was fatherless boy from Harlem, New York. A high school student 17 years of age. I was a woman in my mid forties, living on a tree farm with my family in Oregon. He knew everything about surviving in the big city. I knew everything about canning green beans and butchering meat. He was used to constant city noise, electronic games, phone calls. I liked quiet. He is black, I am white. He was social, everybody's friend. I was cautious with everyone I met. He was used to a tug-of-war of arguing and negotiating and protesting to make things happen. I believed that as a parent I should quietly listen and consider the facts, then carefully make my decision and stick to it! We weren't 100 percent opposed in every way. We knew how to respect each other. He understood that I was committed to him, to some degree. He was grateful to have the opportunity to stay in our home, so he attempted to work with us. It was definitely CULTURE SHOCK when he came with his mother and sister to meet

I've never been comfortable talking about myself, but I've learned lately that doing so can be a healthy thing. Jerry and I led worship with our team Sunday morning, and the dynamic was just awesome. We all in our weaknesses came together and made a strong statement of unity and worship to our God. All ages were intensely involved - in fact, my grandson Jackson wriggled away from his mother and did a little dance in the aisle before Aunt 'Nell snatched him up! Several of our youth "stepped up", along with many of our older ones (older than I). I could make a long list of all the things that I am not, and do not have. Together we were powerful! I wasn't feeling well, but somehow my voice remained strong for a much longer time than has ever happened before. It seemed like all of us were being careful to keep the worship pure and not let our thoughts dwell too much on ourselves. I remember thinking that the pastor was just going to skip his sermon and we'd

There are notes written to my sister... 1. It's been years since we dealt with fleas ! I'd forgotten what that was like... waiting for one to appear because I knew they were lurking invisibly in the carpet, then pinching him from my ankle and stuffing him into a piece of toilet paper to flush him! Or, I'd squeeze one between my fingers under the surface of soapy water and watch them sink to the bottom of the glass. (I never had strong enough fingernails to cut them in two like my mother-in-law could!) There was just no other way to deal with them! They could jump three feet in any direction, a little black spot you can hardly see, and then jump right back onto your vulnerable skin and get all they wanted out of you! You see that they still cause a rise of emotion from me (insanity?). I think my record was 30 in one day! 2. Remember when Dad got upset with us on a camping trip when we were little, and they'd put us to bed in the back of the station wagon? We were horrif

Just now I was finishing up my homework and realized that I was running my finger down my cheek. It was soft, and smoothe, and pleasantly relaxed . I can't think of another word for it. It was relaxed. Not agitated. Not hyper-sensitive. Not anxious to get "worked up" and hot. The hives are practically gone! Every morning this week I woke up with a swollen face. The first three days I puttered around at home. I didn't work out because I needed to keep my skin cool. I had to pull my hair back tight, because one little hair laying against my cheek would actually "hurt". And I was too conscious of my misshapen face to go out in public. Even my clothing was an irritation to me. And I scratched. And where I scratched my skin would erupt with displeasure and welts - and make scratch marks that wouldn't soon go away. Then they would itch! Then there were the questions: was it something I ate? is it stress? maybe the new vitamin pills? The research told me that

My husband had a wonderful day Saturday. It was a beautiful fall day, with golden leaves and wispy clouds coloring the landscape. He drove up the hill with his hunting buddy, Chris, to hang their tree-stands for their hunting trip next week. I didn’t go because I thought my slow pace would take some of the fun out of the adventure for them. He found a perfect tree with a great view of an area that was sure to attract his desired prey. As he approached it he realized that our dreaded enemy, a mature poison oak bush, was standing guard. Being a calculating man, he decided that the risk was worth it, and tore into the bush to get it out of his way. In the past when we have suspected we might have encountered poison oak (it grows all over our wooded property), we would shower as soon as possible and carefully lather up twice. Though it’s hard to prove, we believed it might be a good defense against the onset of the itchy rash. We would undress by the washing machine, so as not to spread th

Have you ever heard this line: "I just can't imagine bringing children into this world, as bad as things are now?" When I was newly married, and my ear was tuned to what was being said about having babies, I heard this more than a few times. How many generations before us heard the same thing? My marriage began shortly after the Viet Nam War and Watergate. I know it was said after World War II. I'll bet there were similar thoughts when the Black Plague was creeping across Europe with sickness and death, and when no army could withstand the advance of the Roman Empire. What did the first believers think when they saw Jesus hanging on the cross? Something like, "all is lost" and, "what's going to happen to us now?" And his own mother, who had to be more convinced than anyone that he was the Son of God... Imagine watching not only your son cursed, tortured and struggling to breathe his last breaths, but also seeing the " Hope of Israel "

In my bed Saturday night I was feeling regret that I had let another day go by without having spent my "quality" time being alone and quiet with God. As I meditated on it I tried to decide if I was just being hard on myself, or if I'd really blown it! I can be too hard on myself. I decided that I had sought to follow Him through the last few days, and that it wasn't wrong to be busy, necessarily. I just missed being with the One who gives me each breath and each heartbeat, and maybe He "felt" the same way! Crawling out of my warm bed, I snuggled next to the heater with my Bible. I opened to the book of Job for the third time that week. It's not my favorite spot in the Bible, but I read with an open mind and jotted some notes down in my journal. As I quieted my thoughts and started to get sleepy, I believe that I heard Him say that I would receive a promise. Now, I tell you, if I'd heard that ten years ago, I would have instantly hoped He was going to

Just a quick note this afternoon... I've added a slideshow at the bottom of my blog* and included two pictures that my son took of an interesting flower. Does anyone know its name? It appears that God had some leftover parts from some other creations, and stacked them on this flower. If I were to name it, I think I'd call it "Henrietta's Hat". If you identify it for me, I'll send you a hershey's kiss in the mail! (you provide shipping, of course) How's that for a deal? *not the "www.myspace.com/deliberatejoy" blog

Help me make a list. I'm just starting this research today, so help me fill in the blanks...I'd like to make an encouraging list of women who started a "new" life/ministry/business at a later age. Corrie ten Boom, with her family, began their work with the underground in Holland when she was 50 years old. After her arrest and then release from the concentration camp, she opened rehabilitation centers and then began her public speaking ministry at the age of 52! (that's my age!) Mother Theresa - She started the sisterhood "Order of the Missionaries of Charity" in India at the age of 40. Grandma Moses - I've read that she started painting (after a life as a farmer's wife and having given birth to 10 children) while in her 70's because arthritis prevented her from continuing her embroidery. She produced hundreds of paintings until shortly before she died at the age of 101!

I don't think I'm releasing private information if I tell you the first names of my three foster daughters. I still call them mine, though I share them, because I gave them my life for a long period of time. I home schooled them and mothered them when there was no one else there for them. I got to speak with Therese, Elizabeth and Kayli, all on the same day this week. They've been out of my home since last winter, but we stay in touch. Kayli came to us when she had just turned 7 yrs. of age. She was in and out of our home twice, and now lives with her brothers in a foster home near Salem. She is 12 yrs. old now! Therese and Elizabeth were in our home one full year. They are now 9 and 7, respectively. What a delightful time of girl stuff! We had raised three sons and a daughter, and had never had a houseful of little girls before. What a scream! (sometimes literally!) I don't know why I wanted to say this, I guess it's just to remind myself of what my life was like l

“ About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the other prisoners were listening to them. Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody’s chains came loose .” -Acts 16:25-26 NIV As simple as a song? Paul and Silas were beaten, bruised, damaged. They sat shackled and humiliated in the darkest place, and they worshiped. They’d been faithful to obey the leading of the Holy Spirit; they’d left their homes to preach the good news, they prayed for the sick and demonized, and given gifts to the poor. It’s recorded at the beginning of chapter 16 that they even refrained from preaching in one location because the Holy Spirit restrained them. They obeyed. They were faithful, and now they were in prison! I have sat there. I told myself that depression is understandable; things have gone horribly wrong! I’ve been faithful. I have obeyed, but look at me now! I scoped ou

If you’ve read my earliest posts, you’ve seen that I am approaching menopause and dealing with a little of the craziness attached to it. To be more honest, I mean a lot of the craziness. Before a couple of years ago I wouldn’t have considered taking medication for what I decided must be a natural part of living. I would “tough it out”, through hot flashes (what’s wrong with being a hottie ?) and through insomnia (it must be my “watch” for prayer). At the end of it all I’d emerge a healthier older woman, free of side effects and risks associated with taking medications. Something started going seriously wrong, though, when my soul began to sink into bouts of depression and anger. Wow. Powerful emotions became a part of a “cycle” that was eroding my relationships, especially with my husband. Amazingly, I would fall in love with him on a deeper level as he demonstrated his faithfulness and commitment to me. At the same time, though, I would blame him for his bewildering emotional withdraw

I woke up at 4:20 a.m. hearing my answering machine beeping. It was a Benton County caseworker looking for emergency shelter for some displaced children. Maybe it was just one child. Maybe an infant. Maybe it was a group of siblings, playing in the department office trying to appear like they weren't concerned. Or maybe they were all sitting on hard chairs crying their eyes out. The call came in at 12:28 a.m., while I was blissfully asleep in my big comfortable bed hearing the first serious rain of the season falling on the trees outside my window. Are they still there- in the office waiting for me to respond, or for somebody ? Did these kids get pulled out of bed and taken by the police from their home? Were they at a party with a parent? a bar? on the street? Was there shouting, and cursing, when they left what was comfortable to them? Are the children bruised? hungry? Did they leave their favorite toy, blanket, or pet? Is there a teen-ager in the group that can't believe tha

My daughter was an underage student at Linn Benton Community College last year. I enrolled in courses at Lane Community College - so what does that make me? RIGHT! Don't say it.

I felt so old last weekend! Arrggh! In the Diamond Peak Wilderness area where my husband bow-hunts for elk and deer, I took the first day of our camping trip "off" to just hang around camp and do whatever I pleased - alone! The second day, though, I was prepared to follow him up into the wilds to show him "I'm with ya all the way, honey!" Last summer I helped him pack out hefty carvings of elk meat. The season before that was my first hike up there. I'd been working out at CURVES for more than a year, so I actually impressed him with my stamina. After our last mission trip to Zambia, Africa, I decided to drop out of CURVES to help pay off our debts. In just a manner of weeks I could tell my legs were getting wimpy. "Oh well, I thought, it's all for the sake of the kingdom..." Well, you can guess where I'm going with this. I was a wreck! Huffin' and puffin' up the hill, gasping, stumbling... totally embarrassing. I was done before w

Encouraged again! I'm just encouraged again ! Out of the blue, my new boss and new friend, Eric, called a contact from the publishing company that I’d wanted to contact and got a recommendation for me! My business instructor had said that I should ask someone at this company some questions about the path I should take in order to get into a proofreading or editing position. She encouraged me to be prepared with a resume’. (It's very interesting to draft a resume' when you've spent the bulk of your time the last 28 years as a family manager-at-home mom!) I did come up with a pretty nice one, though, and have it with me in case something should open up for me. He doesn't seem concerned that he might lose me as an employee - though I'm more than that to him. He's a family friend, and we've been working together to build up his small car detailing business this summer. By calling this contact he has opened a door for me that I didn't want to try to open

It was so funny, when I decided to enroll in some community college courses last spring, that I started getting "junk" mail addressed to my parents! Come on now, I'm a Grandma! Advertisers decided it would be good marketing to send student loan applications to my parents! Can you imagine YOUR Grandma getting a letter addressed like this: 'TO THE PARENTS OF...'? Fortunately my parents are still living, and could get a kick out of this! With such a tremendous boost to my ego last week (to change the subject slightly), I found my grades online from the two courses I took summer term. TWO A 's! I posted my grades on the refrigerator - well, somebody's got to do it!

I finished the final exam in my computer class today, and tomorrow I complete my summer term 2007. Maybe I should be studying right now, but I'd rather write! I don't know if I'll continue to take classes next term. My financial aid didn't cover as well as I thought it might, and my personal mandate this season has been to to bring in income. So, my "hearing heart" is discerning that my true desire is to work! I felt a strong impression (I believe it was from God) in church in May to "get a job", after several months of experimenting with starting my own business. Just weeks later a beautiful opportunity opened up, and I KNEW it was right for me to dive in. Right now the harvest that's available to me is in the small car-detail office I work in. If the blackberries are ripe, like they are right now all over our property, then it's time to pick them! So, I'm pickin'! I honestly believe that there's abundance coming to me personall

I've mentioned it before. It's old news around here. VERY old news! My daughter rolls her eyes. My sons don't care. My husband is tired of it, but he's too kind to roll his eyes (or not care). My daughters-in-law haven't been around me enough to be genuinely annoyed. Instead of, "I see dead people", (which is from a movie I haven't seen) I see typ-os! I can't watch tv or movies for long without throwing my hand over my mouth, because the typos are there, and nobody cares but me. That is, unless they see one first - then I've been outdone! My college instructor was actually impressed when I informed her of a typo in the textbook. One week later I fell over another one. I haven't the nerve to tell her of the one that hit me tonight. You see, the textbook is Microsoft Word 2003. It's the authority on handling WORDS !!!!! So, she has suggested I get an appointment with the local publishing house for some advice about pursuing a career in

Two more weeks and my summer schooling will be over! It's just amazing, the eye-opening experiences I've had regarding who I am and what is coming in my life. But I really can't stop yet and record it right now! I've got two assignments due tonight. It's not just the classes, but my work hours have increased also. You'll have to wait! My friend Wendell, whom I addressed in my previous post, must think I'm a nut because I act interested in re-connecting with him and his family, but don't take the time to answer his questions! I pray he'll understand - it's been years since I've been this busy...and this excited about it! In case you have any interest, I DID take the time to make a little e-birthday greeting for my sister that I'll post: have an awesome birthday today! You are precious to me, and I'm so blessed to see God's blessing on you this year (#50?). Thank-you for not giving up. Thank-you for not rolling over and dying, even

My friend, Wendell, asked me to give an account of the last 30 years of my life. We’ve been out of touch just about that long, can you believe it? How time has flown – and yet, time was well-invested! He found my page on Facebook.com, and contacted me just two weeks ago…* Such a tall order, though! How can I recount 30 years? I’ll give it a shot, anyway: 1978: I married my husband, the man I’d prayed about for years before. I had asked God to “save my future husband”, if he didn’t know God’s love yet – and that’s what happened! He was an apprentice saw-filer, and I, a cook, janitor, care-giver, etc.! 1979: Our first son, the “sprinter”, was born 1980: Our second son, the “football player”, was born 1983: Our third son, our “joy boy”, was born 1989: Our daughter, the “only begotten” girl, was born 1990: Because of the magnanimous rent increases we were suffering, we jumped on an opportunity to live almost rent-free on a rural property in a 2-bed. mobile home. When our t

Okay, this is good.... I'm so tired at the end of my day now, that I don't care if the kitchen has been a mess all day. I fall into bed exhausted. But you know what? THIS IS FUN! Like a little kid when we lived in El Paso, or like my first year in school at Adams Elementary, I wake up excited for the next adventure! There IS a difference, though. I get out of bed more slowly. I have to work around some aches and pains till things get loosened up, but it's all good! I throw on my dusty clothes and take a long walk (after my cup of cocoa, of course) up and down the dirt paths around our property. The more I do this, the faster and harder I can walk! Cool! I'd rather be in the pool where my muscles move more freely, but we're not going to afford that right now... Prayer, or hearing God, or meditation (fill in the blank) comes easier for me with physical movement. My landscape is changing so much. We gave our dog away. The chickens are going next. I think t

Welcome to my blog! If you read through a few of my posts, you might see that I am a woman in transition, and extremely excited about it - also extremely amazed by it! I'm anxious to learn what you have to teach in this course. Oh! You just came by this computer and we talked about all this, so now I have nothing to get more descriptive about... oh, well. Happy reading, and happy teaching! -------------------------------------------------- TO WHOM IT MAY, OR MAY NOT CONCERN Allow me to vent - - I promise I'll be nice! My course in Microsoft Word is giving me fits right now, and I've only been enrolled ONE week! It's a distance learning course, so I don't get to speak with an instructor. At least, she hasn't answered my emails yet. There was no course Orientation, only an email greeting from our instructor. The textbook is asking me to open some titled files that I cannot find. It doesn't suggest where I might find them, or if I was to create them.

This is my office. (notice the picture in the left column) This is my office before the paint dries. This is my office before the desk gets set up. This is my office before I place the files in the drawer. This is my office before the computer gets plugged in and I learn how to run the program. This is my office in my dream. What will I do when that first call comes in, and a customer asks me something that I don't have an answer for? I will be ready. Ya know what I did today? I registered for some business classes at the community college! So now I think I'm an office manager and a student! It must be a mid-life DREAM! Or, maybe a DELUSION! Will it become a nightmare? There's so much I'm clueless about, and yet, my faith says that God has prepared me for this. It has to be true. At least I'm honest. I know I don't know much. I'm a work-in-progress, an efficient business person in her infancy. Is this like being "born again"? At the mos

I started work on my knees! How appropriate! I wasn't asked to clean the carpet, but I was anxious to start my new job, so I volunteered. My younger boss may not have known that I have achey bones, but I really wanted to see how much I could do. I allowed myself to enjoy the scrubbing, down on my hands and knees with a steam-cleaning machine that's meant for cleaning car interiors. Singing, whistling, humming... Getting up (slowly) and stretching... Changing my position (slowly) and cleaning smaller portions (slowly)... Physical labor is not like it used to be for me. I'm still glad I can do it, but now it costs me more! But I did enjoy it! --the singing part anyway. I know that I won't always have easy days at work. I've been around long enough to know that harder times come. I've also learned that my joy has to be in Jesus, not in situations, feelings or "things". I loved chasing my little boys down the hall after their baths, and scoopi

OKAY, HERE WE GO! I've planted the tomato plants in my garden, and moved the volunteer pumpkin seedlings to the chicken-wire fenceline (hopefully to discourage the rabbits from getting in and enjoying my veggies too much). The sprinkler is on, soaking the transplants. I've made the arrangements for our dog to go to a new home, where she'll get the attention she needs. No more avoiding touching her because of the fear of contracting poison-oak from her coat! I've taken "K" back to her foster home. I've made my shopping list, because I'll need some supplies before I show up for work. We'll be setting up the office, and I'm going to clean the carpet first! I've taken my walk and prayed, I've fixed my hair and dressed for the job. I've checked my textbook listings on eBay - looks like I'll be finishing selling them off today. Jerry prayed a blessing over me and my efforts for today - a new start with, not just a new job, but a

I START MY NEW JOB MONDAY, JUNE 11! A family friend has sought me out to help with his small business office! We're working on what that job description will be, but so far I'll start with organization and scheduling appointments. One thing I appreciate about my new boss, is that he says he wants to "work with me", and not that he wants to "hire me". Isn't that just cool? The arrangement seems ideal in every way. For those not in tune with my previous posts: during the past 29 years, I've been a stay-at-home, home schooling mom, have had an eBay business and child care business in my home, been a caregiver for disabled adults, foster mom, and family and home management expert! My interests are in writing, calligraphy, photography, missions, leading worship at church, keeping our family budget, playing on the floor with my grandchildren, raising chickens... And this all adds up to me working in an office? Yes! Believe it or not, YES! I prepare

My goodness! My 18 yr. old daughter says my posts are too long! Doesn't she realize that after years of raising "all those kids", that I need to s t r e t c h my brain to even communicate in complete sentences again? My daughter-in-law in Florida notes that there's room for improvement, too. I know I've been writing essays. Excuse me, but I don't know who's going to read my efforts. I feel that I have a lot of explaining to do, and I'm still learning what BLOG means, anyway! (excuses, excuses...) Maybe I'll get shorter with practice. I don't mean to fill the web-ways with unnecessary language, but maybe I can tip a balance somehow -towards the positive, remarkable, wonderful stuff of life. Speaking of which, I hope to point your eyes towards Dorcas Smucker's blog, Life in the Shoe. I put her link at the bottom of my page - check her out! Also, I want to throw this out there: why did I head my blog with words about listening to

Confession time again! I'm 51, and I'm a dancer. I didn't grow out of it. In the early days if my high school years I discovered the Jesus Movement of the '70's - and was amazed that God would enjoy the rock 'n roll beat from the young worshipers. What a refreshing sound! I remember looking up to the ceiling during worship sometimes, and asking Him, “Is this okay?” Another look in the book of Psalms, and I’d have to say, “YES!” I haven’t stopped appreciating the old hymns. In fact, my appreciation for every genre of music is unequalled by most everyone I’ve talked to about it. I can hoe-down with the Cowboy Church. I can stand appreciatively with chants from the 1600’s. I can clap on the “wrong” beat with the best of them. And I can put on my old 2nd Chapter of Acts album, just like I did in 1972, and dance to the “Easter Song” with all my heart. I can only think of one kind of music that’s hard for me to connect to, and that’s the screaming stuff.

I need help. I came so close to clicking on the button - you know, those internet "opportunities" that just look so good! A remarkable job opportunity that will make me rich!!!! I know better. I've been praying and researching and asking questions for three months now...all to find the door-knob that will open the "new life" door for me. I've asked myself about my motives. Am I worried that I have to prove my worth? There aren't children in my home (very often, anyway), and I spent the young adult years of my life being a stay-at-home mom. I have no regrets about it, believe me, but now that the children are grown I'm grasping for something just as meaningful to give my life to. Am I in too much of a hurry? We’re doing okay financially. We have a home, clothes and food. I’ve come far enough along these last few weeks to say that I do want more. I’ve even asked the Lord to make me rich. Now, THAT’S a departure from the path I chose as a yout

In honor of Erika and Anthony May 14, 2007 I want to talk with you about my kind of math. I've become convinced over the years that I do not stand alone in my aversion to numbers. So, I can freely say, I don't like them. Do they affect you like they affect me? They trick me. I don't understand them. They make me nervous. They've humiliated me, again and again, especially in junior high math class! When I take care of my family's budget, I have to compute the columns of numbers over and over - to find my mistakes. There are always mistakes! But I don't quit until it all makes sense...it just takes time. Now, words and I get along just fine! I'd much rather talk about how words and I relate. One of the quirkiest things about me is how I spot typos without trying. It's a knee-jerk reaction to me. The credits at the end of the movie scroll by, and I can see that they've misspelled "catering", or "Monaco". I have to put

In the church I grew up in, there was a way to ask for prayer without giving any details in public. Have you heard of it? We called it an "unspoken request". I'd always thought that sounded like a cop-out. It seemed to me that the same people raised their hand every week, and I was sure they must never pray with words because their prayers were " unspoken "! At least, that's the way I understood it. It also seemed to me that it was just a way to get attention. But that doesn't make sense, because if they had wanted the attention, wouldn't they have taken the floor and filled our ears with words for hours on end? I dreaded that - the pews were solid hardwood! I guess that as a child, I was sure everyone's motives were the same as mine! uh-hem! (that's a clearing the throat sound that my family uses to mean,"too true"). Another guess was that something extremely horrible had happened in their lives, or they were concerned about

I'm Grandma Kathy, Mom, foster Mom, and wife for 29 years to one of the best men God created! Sorry, everyone else! He currently works in Landscape Construction. My three sons have wonderful wives, and have given me a grandchild each. My daughter graduated from Home School and is now in college. There are some long gray streaks in my curly brown hair now, and changes don't stop coming! We've labeled this time in our lives "reverse puberty"! You may not want to hear the word "menopause", or "mid-life crisis", but that's what I'm talking about! Changes rarely seem to come easily, even when they're anticipated... but, come, they will. With the kids grown and the foster children re-located, I'm stretching my wings to learn about the internet and doing business on eBay. What an exciting thing to open up the world's door and see what's there - like never before in history! I'm not blind, though; I see the ugly and dark thi

He's back! Once again he's back in his old bedroom. He's almost thirty, and there he sleeps next to his wife and child. We will enjoy their voices and insights and energy and musings in the house for two full weeks before they must go back to the Air Force base at the opposite corner of our country. Thank-you, God, he's back! I really did mean it, Lord. He's my second-born, and I gave Him back to You just moments after He was born. I meant it, and I've never regretted it. He's Your man! I didn't enter into wife-hood or mother-hood lightly. When I gave my heart to Jesus at a very young age, I meant it with all I had. I wasn't seeking a more wonderful life for myself. I wasn't seeking just another "thing" to have. I didn't commit myself to my husband with any alternate plans. And I didn't ask God for children without a healthy level of understanding the sacrifices and risks involved! These choices were just part of my growing an

I don't ever want to be beyond being shaken. I don't want to get so used to hearing about the hardships of the poor that when I hear of someone suffering, it doesn't grip my heart. I may appear a fool, mentally ill, or just "losing it", but I want to FEEL what others feel. I want to cry out to God for their needs. I want to be able to cry, without restraining myself for propriety's sake. I want to live in that freedom to be who I am. If I don't allow myself to bleed for others, then I'm not really alive. I honestly believe that. Just moments ago I finished reading the book, "Too Small to Ignore", written by Dr. Wess Stafford of Compassion International. That's the renown organization that recruits sponsors for needy children around the world. I sat on the floor in my kitchen to finish up the last two pages because I wanted to seriously listen to what God might be trying to say to me. I thought I might be involved in a “holy mome